Thursday, September 13, 2007
If they really knew what I ate...
This is a little self-awareness activity from “Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating” that is suppose to help prevent the sneaking of food, which keeps you from fully enjoying indulges, causing you to overeat. What I did was I completed this sentence “If _____ really knew what I ate_____________.” Then I completed this sentence: “I sneak food, so that ___________.” This is what I came up with.
“If my kids really knew what I ate, they would copy me and develop poor eating habits.”
This is my greatest fear in terms of my poor eating habits. Therefore… "I sneak food, so that my children will develop good eating habits.” It is also the number one reason that I sneak food. But whom am I fooling? I suck at sneaking food even with a two-year-old. It’s better that they see their mom enjoying an occasional sweet rather than act like eating sweets is criminal behavior. That way they know that it’s okay for them also. Additionally it may be all right if they see their mom binge every once in a while. It’s bound to happen, albeit less frequently than in the past. Maybe it’s okay if they know that Mommy is human and is working on making herself better.
“If Ly really knew what I ate, he would lecture me.”
Oh, how annoying it is when he lectures! I feel as if I’m one of his kids and not an equal person. It pisses me off and makes me want to eat more out of defiance. Therefore… "I sneak food to avoid being lectured.”
“If my sisters really knew what I ate, they would point out my bad habits to everyone.”
This annoys me, because it feels as if THEY were lecturing me also, since this is one of my parents’ parenting techniques to rectify undesirable behaviors. Additionally, I am a very private person and feel very uncomfortable with that type of attention. So I would eat more to not only act in defiance but to ease my feelings of discomfort. Therefore... "I sneak food to avoid social shame."
“If Peggy really knew what I ate, she would think she was better than me.”
I have a serious inferiority complex when it comes to Peggy, my ex-roommate. She hides behind a façade of Japanese-style humbleness and tolerance, but she truly is arrogant, judgmental, and self-righteous. She eats in a very feminine manner, eating with control restraint. Compared to her, I’m a social slob. Therefore… “I sneak food, so that Peggy wouldn’t think she was better than me.”
“If my friends and Ly knew what I ate, they would think I was selfish and a bad person.”
Ly and most of my friends are Chinese or Vietnamese, and I’m afraid that overeating food that is suppose to be shared is seen as selfish to them, since they go out of their way to be considerate of others having a fair share or not eating too much. Additionally, Ly has blatantly called me “selfish” on a number of occasions when I eat all or too much of the food that was supposed to be for the kids. Therefore… “I sneak food so that others think I was selfless and good.”
Now that I think about it, this is a silly reason to sneak food. They’re going to find out anyways, and when they do, I will look quite silly. Might as well eat in full view of them all without any excuses. And being selfish is not that bad of a thing. It helps me look out and fight for myself when necessary. Isn’t that a good thing? Additionally, Ly already knows that I'm selfish; and eventhough he doesn't like it, he doesn't think I'm a "bad person".
I fear no one’s opinion! I am knowledgeable, focused, and efficient. I make this priority and build from experience. I do this for my children and myself. Supported by love, I will persevere.