Friday, September 14, 2007

Fat and Lazy

I had a bit of mindless eating yesterday, and today it was out of control. I ate tons and tons of kid cereal, going over 2,000 calories for today. I talked to Ly about it in the hopes that he would help me feel better, but instead he decided to bring up the fact that I am also letting the house slide, making me feel worst. He also gave me the “just buckle up and do it” speech, as if I don’t give myself that same speech everyday. Maybe, I’m tired of buckling up. Maybe I'm so overwhelmed that I can't get myself to do what I'm suppose to be doing.

It was probably two weeks ago when Ly exclaimed how happy he was with my weight loss, because when I was getting fat, I was also "lazy". Fat and lazy. Can I be called anything worst? I wasn’t surprised about this, because he had given hints that he felt this way. I just wished I didn’t hear him say it, because I fear that I am returning to my former self. Actually, I wished he didn’t think it either. But what can I do? He has the right to his judgment, and I can’t say I disagree with him either, just as I can’t disagree when he calls me selfish. However being lazy is far worst. Sure it still stings when he exclaims, “I can’t believe how selfish you are!” (and this seems to happen out of the blue) but I have come to own that part of me and have no intentions of changing. To be lazy, however... I don’t want to be lazy.

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I fear no one’s opinion! I am knowledgeable, focused, and efficient. I make this priority and build from experience. I do this for my children and myself. Supported by love, I will persevere.