Thursday, September 07, 2006

Spiralling Down the Abyss of Binge Eating!

Someone help me!

I’m stressed, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and sapped of spirit and energy. When I return home after these past two days of internship orientation, I eat candy, chips, and crackers instead of preparing dinner. My house is in disarray. I’m not going to blame anyone. It’s my fault. I won’t get too down on myself, because I am not perfect. Now is the time to gather my strength and get back on the wagon. Strategize, strategize, strategize! Ly had bought tons of potato chips from Costco last week. Although he promised that he would take it to work, it is still here. Don’t get angry. Just calmly put the potato chips in his car so he will not forget. And if he leaves it in the car over the weekend? Throw it into the garbage? We’ll see.

My weakness has been this feeling of exhaustion, which is occurring much more frequently lately since I do not have the freedom to take a nap in the middle of the day. I would like to take a walk during lunchtime to re-energize, but I need to pump milk instead, so I’ll walk after the internship instead of not cooking dinner and watching T.V. while snacking.

Other weaknesses…

Oh, I have forgotten how dangerous the office environment is to dieting. Those bagels and donuts! What to do? What to do?

God. Please, please, give me the strength to get through this stressful time of my life without turning to food anymore!

On a positive note: I was able to exchange my son's bike for a smaller one (Thank you WalMart’s 90-day guarantee on their cheap products!), and we were able to take Hunter biking around Lake Margret (a man-made lake in the city park where my parents' live) during Labour Day weekend. Holiday fun!

Additionally: I lost 1.5 lbs this week, making the total lost this month 3.5 lbs.


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

won't let me comment.. grrr..

ok, u had all that and u lost a massive 1.5lb? Respect

Don't be too hard on yourself.. things are tough, you are tired.. just don't feel bad about giving yoruself a break and some down time..

skinnyminny8

Marshmallow said...

A biiiiiiiig hug to you LilyT - and I admire your patience in response to Ly getting all of those potato chips, I probably would've squirted detergent all over them by now! O_O

You DO need to give yourself a break - this is about YOU and you sound like you need some time to recharge.

Do you have a girlfriend that you can just hang out with for a bit? I reckon you need some sort of pampering and relaxation, but at this moment because pampering and relaxation isn't on hand - you're turning to food instead.

I'm thinking of you and rooting you on hon! Best of luck, and keep us informed.

FAT BITCH said...

Hi Lily T :)

I saw on Marshmallow's blog that you needed a friend so here I am to tell you that you are a stronger human being than you think you are. HUG

Most people would not lose any weight faced with everything that you were faced with honey and you sound to me like you are handling all of this stuff with as much grace as you can.

Absorb all of this and make it a positive learning life lesson for yourself. You are a wonderful person, Lily T!!

Lily T said...

Skinnyminny8
Thanks for your support. Yeah, I lost 1.5lbs. I don't understand it either. I think the pounds will show up next week.

Marshmallow
You are so sweet. I do need a break, but I can only afford a short one. That's why I'm planning to go for a short walk when I return home from school/internship to re-charge. Hanging out with girlfriends? I haven't done that since I was in junior high. I've never been good with that kind of intimacy. I know it’s important, so it’s something I’m working on. Thanks for your support, and thanks for mentioning me on your blog. I was feeling sad, but when I read your blog and comments I feel better.

Fat Bitch
You seem like such a warm and understanding person. From my experience (which is very little), hardship can make you a better or a worst person. You sound like someone who have experienced it and came out on top. Thank you for your comment.

FAT BITCH said...

Hi Lily T :)

You are right, sweetie. Hardship can definitely shape a person's character for the better or worse. The fact that you realize this and say it makes YOU someone special.

I hope you are feeling better within yourself today my friend. There are a lot of people here who care about you and wish you well. HUG

Kimberly said...

Oh, Lily, I hope everything is going okay. I know how that spiral goes. It's like every little bit you fall makes another fall easier to come by. But you can do it, pull yourself back up. I'll say a prayer for you as well and I hope to see you back on here soon to update us all.

I fear no one’s opinion! I am knowledgeable, focused, and efficient. I make this priority and build from experience. I do this for my children and myself. Supported by love, I will persevere.