Saturday, December 22, 2007

Landslide

I’m sliding like how a snowball slides, picking up speed and getting bigger and bigger. Eventually the snowball is unstoppable and catastrophic. How do I stop something like that?

Every night I lie awake, full from eating too much, excited with the promise of tomorrow. Because tomorrow is when I will do better and I will have a perfect day. Eating within my calories. Eating in moderation. Then the next day is here, and I do something stupid like eat 12 servings of cookies, half a loaf of dessert bread, or four bars of chocolate. I’m eating so much and continuously that I can’t remember feeling hungry for weeks. I miss feeling hungry.

Oddly enough, I’m still feeling optimistic. I still lie awake and feel confident that I can do well the next day. This has to be good. This must mean there is still hope.

I know what my problem is. My expectations are too high. I want perfection. I expect to eat like how I use to when my motivation is swelling over the brim. When this whole weight loss thing was interesting. I need to start over. But what should my first step be? Should I start recording food again? Should plan ahead? Should eat intuitively? Should I re-initiate the SP diet? I have tried them all and none of them are appealing at the moment.

5 comments:

Sinnasue said...

I am not sure if you have winter at your place but for me, I take winter time to enjoy and not stress up as it is depressing as it is. I dont work out and I basically eat what ever I want. With Christmas and its stress. Take the time to relax and let your body do what it wants and needs to. Let spring be the time to focus and concentrate.
A few weeks or months will not harm you. Years, now that is another story. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happier new year!!

Megan said...

I read an article recently, where this woman talks about how she "cheats daily and early". Her poison: half of a snickers bar. By treating herself every day, she doesn't binge and by doing it early in the day, she has the rest of the day to work it off. Good luck! I have complete faith in you!

Happy New Year!

Lora said...

You're 3 pounds away from your goal according to your sidebar! Don't be too hard on yourself. You've acheived a lot!

Living to Feel Good said...

How are you doing?? Don't lose sight of your goal. I ate a ton of cookies and bad crap too. It's called Christmas and Holidays and as much as we say we should use it as an excuse, it is, and it's hard to avoid. So...blog already...how are you know? :)

Marshmallow said...

Hey Lily T, hope you're okay - please let us know how you're doing? There's a lot of people out here who care about you!

I fear no one’s opinion! I am knowledgeable, focused, and efficient. I make this priority and build from experience. I do this for my children and myself. Supported by love, I will persevere.