Because of the wedding and Teresa’s birthday party, I’ve been seeing a lot of people whom I haven’t seen in a long while, and the first thing they mentioned was my weight loss. This surprised me, because I hardly felt that my weight loss was significant enough to be mentioned anymore, as it was in the beginning when I was losing weight really quickly. Now I’m looking at myself in the mirror to catch a glimpse of what everyone else was noticing and I start to believe them and I start to stare at my image way too much to the point that shouldn’t be acceptable for a God-fearing girl like me. And it’s not only the staring at the mirror, but I am also spending more time and money on my clothes and my hair. Before when I was avoiding my image, I was also neglecting the upkeep of it. Now I feel that I’m overdoing it.
I hardly mentioned my religion in the past, because spiritually I need a lot of work, but I AM a believer and I DO have a healthy fear of hell and me possibly going to it after this life is over. However when I think of all the deadly sins I have committed and continue to commit without thought, I start to worry. I should be praying and doing all the things that I should be doing to tap into that spiritual realm and rise above the trappings of the world, but it’s difficult. Time is valuable and I REALLY need to reassess my priorities. And, at the moment, losing weight hardly feels like a priority anymore. I feel healthy and fit, and I look good. Back in the beginning, I used to beam with pride when someone mentioned my weight loss, now I’m glossing over that it’s even mentioned. There’s a bit of shame in my appearance now. It’s communicating to the world where my priorities are, and I don’t want the world to think that it’s in my image. I want to make a difference in the world and influencing my overweight friends, family, and acquaintances to lose weight kind of feels like a negative impact. I believe that as a society we care too much about image and it’s not good, and right now I’m feeling like a bad example.
1 comment:
Reading posts like this make me feel sad. Your weight loss isn't about you, it's not about the message that you give to the world, nor is it about the message that you give to other people. It should be about yourself, and how you feel about yourself. If my weight loss inspires other people to do something, it's up to them to be inspired - not up to me. It's very sad reading posts like yours that take becoming healthy and putting a negative spin on it. :-(
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