Sunday, November 11, 2007
Because of the wedding and Teresa’s birthday party, I’ve been seeing a lot of people whom I haven’t seen in a long while, and the first thing they mentioned was my weight loss. This surprised me, because I hardly felt that my weight loss was significant enough to be mentioned anymore, as it was in the beginning when I was losing weight really quickly. Now I’m looking at myself in the mirror to catch a glimpse of what everyone else was noticing and I start to believe them and I start to stare at my image way too much to the point that shouldn’t be acceptable for a God-fearing girl like me. And it’s not only the staring at the mirror, but I am also spending more time and money on my clothes and my hair. Before when I was avoiding my image, I was also neglecting the upkeep of it. Now I feel that I’m overdoing it.
I hardly mentioned my religion in the past, because spiritually I need a lot of work, but I AM a believer and I DO have a healthy fear of hell and me possibly going to it after this life is over. However when I think of all the deadly sins I have committed and continue to commit without thought, I start to worry. I should be praying and doing all the things that I should be doing to tap into that spiritual realm and rise above the trappings of the world, but it’s difficult. Time is valuable and I REALLY need to reassess my priorities. And, at the moment, losing weight hardly feels like a priority anymore. I feel healthy and fit, and I look good. Back in the beginning, I used to beam with pride when someone mentioned my weight loss, now I’m glossing over that it’s even mentioned. There’s a bit of shame in my appearance now. It’s communicating to the world where my priorities are, and I don’t want the world to think that it’s in my image. I want to make a difference in the world and influencing my overweight friends, family, and acquaintances to lose weight kind of feels like a negative impact. I believe that as a society we care too much about image and it’s not good, and right now I’m feeling like a bad example.
I fear no one’s opinion! I am knowledgeable, focused, and efficient. I make this priority and build from experience. I do this for my children and myself. Supported by love, I will persevere.