I don’t think I thank you all enough for your comments, encouragement, and knowledge. It is because of you I have gotten as far as I have. Although, I know that we’ve never met face to face, I consider you all my friends. Because of you I haven’t felt lonely since the birth of Teresa, and I have lost the urge to make new friends (which is probably not so good).
Earlier this week, I went jogging with Teresa in the jogging stroller around central park. As I stretched, I let Teresa play in the sand and another lady with a baby and stroller started talking to me and we got into a whole conversation. It was one of those talks were I felt that we connected at the get go. We said our good-byes and I then realized that she was hinting at maybe developing a friendship. Her baby was quite young and considering the time of day it was, she was probably a stay-at-home mom. I can relate to the loneliness that happens when there’s no work or school to go to, because I’ve been there. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a total recluse. There’s the occasional get-together and so forth, and they’re a lot of fun and all, but I really don’t have anyone to talk to except for Ly (which is not enough for me). I remember going to the park frequently with newborn (or kids) in tow; talking to every person I meet, hoping for a connection. Anything. And here was my connection with this lady in the park, and I didn’t care that I let the opportunity past. If it was the past me, I would have been drooling over this poor lady that she would have grabbed her baby and ran. I should probably make some real life friends eventually, but for now, I’m content. With everything.
I’m finally coming to grips with my weight loss and starting to feel confident that I will keep it off. I’m also having more sex with Ly without doubting his love or feeling uncomfortable. Sure, he wants to have sex a lot more now that I’m thinner, but I resolved that I should just enjoy it while I can. And believe me, sex works wonders on the relationship.
About my recent spiraling into chocolate hell. After I wrote my previous post, I looked at it before I hit published and I thought about the possible comments I would get when the solution hit me right there. Get the chocolate out of the house. Well, duh. My husband suggested it earlier, but he phrased it as him eating it all, throwing it away, or giving it away. Every single option was very unappealing. I mean these were MY chocolate, given to ME. (As you can tell, I’m extremely selfish when it comes to chocolate.) But then I thought of another solution. Have Ly bring my chocolates to his work and bring back after 2 weeks. When I told him what he would be doing he said, “to give out?” I said, “No! No! (waving hands vigorously) To GIVE BACK!” He laughed and agreed to it. Day three without them, and I’m doing extremely well calorie-wise.
Some of you may be wondering “What happened with intuitive eating?” Believe me, I’m still trying to practice it. This happened the last time I tried intuitive eating. I fooled myself into believing that I want to eat this stuff and that I’m not full, which can’t be true. How can my body be telling me that, when I feel so terrible afterwards? Something was lost in the connection and I couldn’t get my mind into what it was suppose to be into, which is why I’m glad I decided to continue recording food in-take regardless.