Sunday, August 19, 2007

Hurtful Comments

Why does the most unintelligent stuff come from Anonymous? On my badminton post, I received a very hurtful and upsetting comment. I then proceeded to eat two sticky buns in front of the TV, pushing my daily calories to 2700. This made me feel angry with myself, because I had let some comment get the best of me. When I told Ly he said, “You’re blaming this guy for eating the sticky buns.”

Next time I get an upsetting comment, remind me not to go to Ly, because I will just get more upset and into an unproductive depression.

This morning, after sleep helped me get over my funk, I am able to digest the comments made, Anonymous’ and Ly’s. Yes, folks, I listen to all your comments and I always try to learn from them no matter how unsettling. Because I believe that I can always learn.

First, I try to identify why the comments are unsettling. Well for Anonymous, s/he obviously just didn’t like me and I was probably bummed about this. I’m over it now.

Second, I look into what message the commenter was trying to convey, which was that I should stop playing team sports, since my inadequate skills ruin everyone else’s fun. I do have a fear of this, but often I get over these feelings, so that I can have fun (because I’m selfish like that ;P). I firmly believe that I have the right to be on the court as everyone else. It’s true that I don’t have as much fun when the person/people I play against are far worst or better than me, but Anonymous specifically told me to stop playing “team sports”. I can only assume that this person doesn’t like having and gets annoyed by an inadequate partner, which I feel is very un-team-player-like. So, ironically, I would have to say that Anonymous has less business on a team than I do. Participating in most team sports, my skill level has actually been somewhere in the middle. However, I get annoyed when the inadequacy of one team member annoys another, because it always means we will lose. The negativity creates a pessimistic mood among the team. Not only will the targeted player play worst but also all the other players follow suit. In my experience an inclusive team that forgives is more likely to pull away from losing.

There will always be a worst player, and I am quite proud of myself for being that one at badminton. I’ve seen many worst players fall away from sport because of the arrogance they are subjected to, which I always felt was a shame. Sports are fun, and these people are forever kept out of the fun. If the worst player continues to fall out of it, then in the end there will only be one and no way of playing. Fortunately there are some who ignores the arrogance and stick to it.

My conclusion? I have decided to dismiss Anonymous’ comment as just plain stupidity. Beyond the hurtfulness the brain is dead.

I have to be especially careful with feedback from unknown sources, because I have no idea what their background is. At the end of this person’s comment, s/he wondered why Ly keeps hanging out with me. This statement was obviously made specifically to hurt, and in my experience, these types of comments are often plagued by nonsense. I just wished I were able to dismiss it before I let it get me down.

As for Ly’s comment, I was unsettled because he was right. I was blaming the blog comment for me eating the buns, but I had wanted it to be so at the moment. Because if I didn't I would had blamed myself totally, and who knows what I would have done in the state I was in. Now that the feeling has subsided, I now can take full credit for my actions without serious emotional unstableness.

As you may know, I’m trying to work on this blame thing and I have no idea how to go about it. What do you do when you get these strong emotions? Don’t you want to identify how these emotions came to be? I know I do. Since I’m an analytical person, I like to do it right away. Unfortunately, conclusions made in the heat of the moment causes me to do stupid things. Although I feel that my analytical trait is useful in the long run, I should probably stabilized my emotions first.


John said...

Lily, I'm sorry that the comment that was posted on your blog was hurtful. Yes, I read it, and it was obviously written by someone who intended to hurt your feelings. I'd say that they are just a 'drive by commenter', someone who finds your blog, posts a hurtful comment and then goes elsewhere and does exactly the same thing. "...there's abunch of folks like you where I am playing and I have no merci on them just because they are beginners..." it looks like this person (probably a man) treats people like this in real life too. Once in a while you'll get comments like these, my suggestion is to exercise your delete key.

Anyway, you and I are similar in terms of sports, when I was playing in team sports at school, I was the one who was mentally cheering when the other side had the ball, that way I didn't have to show how bad I was.

Don't feel too bad, you seem like a nice person, if that wasn't the case I wouldn't be reading your blog, would I?

Marshmallow said...

I know saying 'ignore the anonymous fool' will not have any effect, since I receive hurtful comments from anonymous folk and it's very difficult to not be affected by their comments.

Just know that I think what they were saying shows that they are not a very nice person to be around.

John is right in that they were a 'drive by commenter' - with no intention to do anything other than to behave in a flammatory way and stir you up.

One thing I DO like to do when I receive comments that irk me is send emails to fellow bloggers. If anything like this happens again, I invite you to email me and write a big rant about how it made you feel. :-)

What disappoints me even more than the anonymous comment is how Ly reacted! I think you should tell him that that sort of feedback is not constructive; that sort of thing would make me feel even more upset about the whole scenario.

Other than that, I think you've handled yourself very well in response to this. I've seen some very vicious and immature tangles emerge between bloggers and anonymous commenters, and it's great to see that you have enough pride to rise above that sort of encounter :-)

Living to Feel Good said...

Wow that comment was really rude, and that person sounds really cold and unhappy with life. Don't give it up if you really enjoy it still. Who cares if you aren't a pro!

Salma Gundi said...

In tennis, they say you should always practice with an opponent who is stronger than you because it will force you to raise your game.

Have you thrown out the box of sticky buns, yet?

John said...

Yes, that's me. Logical Guy. If you go to my old blog and compared weights (the title of the blog is a giveaway too), you'll see why I stopped posting there. I still have a dream of posting there when I reach goal and saying "I made it!" though.

I enjoy reading your blog, whenever I think of your father calling you "sexy" I still have a little chuckle in my head.

LivingMinimal said...

man, since I doubt anyone you're playing with has serious professional badminton aspirations, I wouldn't sweat it at all. The only thing that can happen is youll continue to have fun, improve, and get exercise. Screw the negative comments. Oh yeah, and thanks for coming by my blog :)

I fear no one’s opinion! I am knowledgeable, focused, and efficient. I make this priority and build from experience. I do this for my children and myself. Supported by love, I will persevere.