Thursday, July 26, 2007

Control

Last year, after Ly and I had the heart-to-heart about me needing to lose weight, he gave me his support through and through. Unfortunately, that meant policing what I ate and telling me how to go about my losing the weight. Being a naturally defiant person, I rebelled and we had another heart-to-heart.

It’s impossible to lose weight without support, but what happens when the support you get is not working? When Ly and I sat down for heart-to-heart part 2, I outlined to him how he can help me, and you know what? He disregarded it. Well not exactly. He said he would try, and the policing died down but did not totally disappear. He still occasionally tells me not to eat so-and-so and when I can treat myself. So annoying, but I’m learning to ignore him and others like him. Before I tried desperately to control my environment to ensure my success, and when I failed I would get angry with everyone around me. I too am a controlling person and get irritated when my environment is sabotaging my efforts. Now, I think I’ve changed. I decided a while ago that I would stop trying to control everything and work on controlling myself. It’s a struggle, but I think I’m getting pretty good at it.

One thing I use to do was force low-fat food on the family, now I buy food for myself and food for them. On a recent trip to the grocery store, Hunter asked for me to buy Cheetos, which I have a tendency to binge on when it’s around. I thought, “Here we go again.” I didn’t even think that I wouldn’t get the Cheetos that is how much I have changed in mentality. If it were me last year, I would have said “no” right away, because I knew it was a “trigger” food. Then I thought, why struggle? So I did ended up saying “no”. He can get Cheetos another time. Controlling the situation when I can is also a good idea.

3 comments:

Megan said...

I was just going through catching up on your blog, and I realized why I love reading it so much: you are so honest. Since I first found your blog, I've thought you were interesting and kind. I've enjoyed going on this journey with you. But today something clicked for me and I was awed by your words. I want you to know that I appreciate your ability to fully speak your mind here. You really make me think, and I'm grateful for that.

Salma Gundi said...

About the Cheetos - you could always buy just a single serving bag for his treat.

I wanted to let you know, too, inspired by megan's comment - your honesty is really refreshing. I don't feel comfortable sharing that much of "true self" on my blog - not bc of the internet readers, but bc of the real life people who seem to be reading along. But when you touch on awkward topics and don't nice up your honest reactions to things, It definitely sets off a train of introspection for me.

Sinnasue said...

It is hard to find an Asian blogger who is trying to slim down. I am at your height and trying to slim down but I was never so slim. I have been labelled 'fat' all my life. Try living in Asia where everyone is skinny, bad for mental health. Good luck on your journey.

I fear no one’s opinion! I am knowledgeable, focused, and efficient. I make this priority and build from experience. I do this for my children and myself. Supported by love, I will persevere.