Gym and Internship

For the first time since I was pregnant with Teresa, I went to an aerobics class. After interning for the past two months, it suddenly dawned on me. Three of my clients live near my gym. I arranged to visit those clients yesterday and went straight to the gym afterwards to make the 5:30 pm aerobics class. I was hoping that it would help me break the monotony of my workout, but it didn’t. Sure I was doing something different in a different environment. It was interesting that I was in a room of people doing the same aerobic moves in unison, where normally I’m by myself. I also liked how the music was familiar and in surround sound. I can get lost in that music. But my heart wasn’t into it. I found the moves predictable. Although naturally I’m uncoordinated and I usually find simple moves a challenge, I’ve been aerobicizing for four years now. Where in the past my focus was totally in the class so that I won’t make the wrong move, yesterday my focus was elsewhere and I found myself watching the clock.

I’m depressed. I was depressed yesterday and my focus was on my internship. I had a sense of déjà vu. I had gone to the gym during my first year internship. At the time I had difficulty adjusting and being the only intern. Going to the gym yesterday felt like when I went to gym two years ago after my first internship, heavy and distracted. Except this time the situation is worst. Back then I felt incompetent but my supervisor had confidence in me. Now I feel competent, but I don’t think everyone else shares this with me. I think that Kyle, one of my supervisors doesn’t like me. During group supervision yesterday, he noticed that my caseload was too small. The reason why was because Evelyn, my other supervisor, the one who is out in the field with me and giving me my cases, has been busy lately. She hadn’t had time to assign me any new cases or find enough opportunity to let me shadow her, so I’ve been taking advantage and doing a lot of personal time when I say I’m doing internship time. I know this, but I don’t call out any attention, because I don’t want to do busy work. I think Kyle notices this and I feel ashamed. During my first internship, going to aerobics class cheered me up and helped me remain grounded. This time it has also helped, but only a little. This year school in general is a lot more stressful.