Moving Anxieties

I haven’t been doing anything regarding my goals: eating, procrastinating, etc. It’s been hard for me to focus on anything else outside of the fact that we might be moving soon and renting out our current house. It has caused me great anxiety, and I wonder why I ever agreed to do this. I haven’t been sleeping too well, and I’m fortunate that I have the option to take a nap with Teresa or I would be dysfunctional. Our finances will be razor thin after the move, and I can’t seem to find the time to look for work when looking for renters and researching about land lording and laws has occupied all my time.

Despite all this, I have continued to include exercise in my life. It really have become a habit, and it helps when I tell myself that it’s a stress reliever. As planned, I went hiking over the weekend, and I totally enjoyed myself.

Marshmallow's Contest

So I completed my fourth day of recording food in-take, and I went over my calorie range. This time however it wasn’t snacking that done me in, but the French bread I had for lunch. Damn you, carb-based foods! But the good news is I completed it.

In other news, Marshmallow has issued a contest with prizes! It’s a similar contest to Dietgirl’s in that I will be gathering pictures in a scavenger hunt. Wish me luck.

1. Something Brown - Is this low-fat turkey burger vegetable soup that I’ve made that surprisingly my whole family loves!



2. Something Orange - My favorite color! For this one, I didn’t search past my own blog. Here is my profile picture of an orange flower.



3. Something Purple - In high school my basketball jersey was purple, although I never was THIS sexy wearing it or ever will be no matter how much weight I lose. Well, maybe in my imagination.



4. A Marshmallow - This is the marshmallow monster from the movie “Ghostbusters."



5. Someone Sleeping - Sleeping beauty. A fellow blogger had noticed that we put our lives on hold for when we reach our target weight like sleeping beauty waiting for the prince, but life is worth living NOW! Very insightful.



6. A Cat - Garfield. He's fat and lazy like me!



7. The Letter M - M is for Mardi Gras, which will be this Tuesday.



8. The Letter W - Umm… W is for watch. Sorry, I lost all my creativity. If only I knew how to make those talk and thought bubbles!

Recording in Small Doses

Today’s the last day of recording, and it’s strange to say but I think I might miss it. I had stopped recording early December after recording for 9 straight months, because I was tired of it and at that point it felt useless. I was going over calories constantly and just didn’t care. So I decided to take a break, resuming January 1st. Well January 1st came, and nothing changed. It was still a drag. I managed to record for a whole week before giving up. But now it feels different. I’m actually enjoying myself and seeing the results of the day is fascinating for me for the first time in a long time. I’m not making my calorie range, but I am learning something. So far, I discovered that currently I am snacking too much. Every day the past three days I managed to overdo it. Very interesting. Here’s hoping that I’ve learned my lesson for the fourth day.

Weekly and Lenten Challenge

I have started to record food intake again, starting today and ending Saturday. I’ll see how it goes. I do not have the urge to record food in-take everyday for the rest of my life. These four days will have to do for now, and we’ll see what I should do after my next weigh-in on Monday.

I’ve decided to set-up personal weekly challenges and reward myself when I meet those challenges. The recording food in-take for four days will be this week’s challenge. If I complete this challenge I will give myself 50 cents towards my weight loss fund and if I’m within calorie range for three of those days I will give myself another 50 cents. I know it has taken me a long time to mull over and finally decide on a something so simple, but simple is actually very difficult to do. I read other weight loss blogs of those whom belong to Weight Watchers, and I must say, I’m jealous that they have a reward system ingrained in their program. That they don’t have to sit there and think about what reward system would be best. Might be for the better, considering how fiercely independent and defiant I am.

Yesterday, Ly and I were talking about Lent coming up. As usual, Ly has difficulty coming up with what to give up and asked me to decide for him. I tell him, because it always makes him strangely happy since he likes to treat abstinence during Lent as a dare. The drawback, however, is that he thinks he can tell ME what I should give up. Um… I don’t think so. I was ready to say “Don’t tell me what to do!” but this year he actually came up with a good one that I would never have thought of: procrastination. Since I started abstaining for Lent it was always been a toss up between chocolate and TV. It’s high time I try something different.

Review and Resolution

Thank you everyone for continuing to check in and comment on my blog despite my MIA status. Sorry about that. I have been out of town since the day after Christmas with full intention of blogging, but never doing it. I’ve also been home since the 3rd and haven’t gotten myself to blog until today. But today is the end of my silence and hopefully you’ll be hearing me more frequently this coming year, because that so happens to be one of my weight loss resolutions: to post at least once a week. But before I get to that, I would like to review 2007 year of weight loss.

I started off that year after what I termed as “The Quarter from Hell”. Even with a month off, I was in a pessimistic, depressive slump. During that whole quarter, I promised that I would get back on the exercise/diet wagon with full vigor as soon as vacation hit, but that didn’t happen. It was more of a small crawl. Making my new year’s resolution for last year just felt like routine and I had no optimism in the process. Luckily, the quarter that followed was a more manageable load. I was able to put attention to my weight loss and actually saw it as a welcome break from school work and internship. I joined SparksPeople and was able to successfully log in my food intake for which was quite a feat, considering the year before this was something I struggled at. As I predicted, weight loss became much easier after I started recording, and I lose the weight in an almost predictable manner. However, I struggled with the whole recording process. I had difficulty gauging the calories I was consuming and obsessed over what I ate. I felt guilty for going over the recommended range of weight loss, and I didn’t like feeling guilty. During the middle of the year, I worked on letting go of the guilt with the help of intuitive eating. I continued to record but I used the numbers instead as something to reflect on. However, a drawback of letting go of guilt has been my abandonment with sweets and chocolate. Especially chocolate. Before, I was eating chocolate in moderation, but come Halloween, all of that went out the window. A part was also because of winter blues. My numbers were off the roof, and I became indifferent to them. Come December, I became tired of recording food intake and decided to take a break. It seemed pointless since seeing the outrageous amount of calories I consumed per day did not discourage me from over eating.

For the year I lost around 30 pounds! 50 pounds since my highest. And I must admit. Life without the weight is so much sweeter. I feel prettier and confident, and Ly and I are having more sex. Despite my recent spiral into over-indulgence, I conclude that this has been a successful year of weight loss. Things that I did well this year was to maintain regular exercise, record food intake, weigh-in regularly, and blog.

Things I would like to work on for this year is to control over-indulging and to stretch everyday and of course to maintain the good habits I have obtained so far. My goal for this year would be to reach my target weight and maintain.

This year feels much more optimistic than last year, but this year weight loss is not my number one resolution. There is also the trouble of finding work, which would take priority. Seeing how weight loss fits in the coming year will be interesting.

The Busyness

I’ve been busy, and I’m hoping that this will be the start of some non-busy/hectic time. Ly has just finished the bathroom and although he was anxious to start another project he agreed to hold off until spring for my sake. There’s only so much chaos I can handle at a time. Teresa’s big birthday celebration has pass so there’ll be more downtime until Christmas. No, I’m not stressing about Thanksgiving. As long as our house is too small, I do not foresee hosting such an ambitious occasion. And if I were to do so, I’m sure my mother-in-law will joyfully cook everything for us.

The week of October 21 to 27th I took up a challenge with Ms. Kelly to exercise five times. Sadly, I was one day short of completing that challenge, but I’m sure it would have been far less if I hadn’t taken it up. Here’s a rundown of that week.

Sunday: This day was the Trung’s rehearsal luncheon, and we still didn’t have a working bath. We went to my parents’ house to use their shower. I totally didn’t feel like it, but I used the opportunity exercise with Charlene Prickett: Crazy for Step DVD, knowing that opportunities to exercise in the coming week would have been slight.

Monday: This was when I had caught wind of the challenge. I called up Ly and asked him to come home early so that I can exercise with Charlene Prickett’s Low Impact, High Intensity DVD again.

Tuesday: I went to a Step and Sculpt group exercise class at my gym. I liked it, and I felt it was a perfect way to get someone to check my form as I lift weights without having to pay for a personal trainer. However, I did find the class too easy. I went to the class one other time the week before, and I discovered that I was the only one bouncing about as if I was made of energy. This time I used two risers so that I can actually get a workout. I’ve never used two risers before! I was scared that I would look overly ambitious and silly to everyone else, but I did perfectly fine. I’m feeling mighty proud of this accomplishment, remembering that I use to be like everyone else in the class, struggling with only one riser. I’m pretty sure that this wasn’t only accomplished by increased fitness. It’s a lot easier to move about with less weight.

Wednesday: This was a planned day of rest.

Thursday: I asked Ly to come home early, but we ended up arguing about who’s not putting what away. So he didn’t come early as expected. If he had the decency to tell me that he would blatantly come home late (way pass the time he would come home on a normal day) I would have tried to exercise with Teresa. Although I don’t appreciate her compulsion to grab my legs as I dance about the living room, it would have been better than not exercising. Jogging with her in the jogging stroller was out of the question because of my recent bout of plantar fasciitis. And I know that a lot of moms would tell me to exercise during her nap, but it never works out. Last week when I tried to exercise while she slept, she woke up early and wouldn’t stop whining and grabbing my leg until I lied down with her until she fully woke up. Mind you, I was in a middle of a workout so my heart rate was crazy elevated. Not a good feeling to have to lie down at that state.

Friday: I went on a field trip with Hunter’s class. Hunter’s school is actually 45 minutes away at my in-law’s city. We were back from the field trip at 1:45pm, but we were also planning to go to the school carnival at 6 pm. During this waiting time, we spent it at my in-law’s where I decided to exercise. I did 30 minutes of Shape Cardio Workout: Bikini Body All Year-Round DVD and a routine with a strength band. I felt very self-conscious and guilty that I was working out at my in-laws. I was practically speeding through the routine.

Saturday: This was Trung’s wedding day. Ly went early in the morning, since he was a groom’s man, but the kids and I weren’t expected until the western-style ceremony at 4pm. I was feeding the kids breakfast and trying to plan my day so that it would include exercise, when Ly called and announced a change of plans. They had wanted Hunter, whom was one of the ring bearers, to join the wedding early. That was also when I discovered that the rental place had given Hunter shoes that were two sizes too small. So my plans were shot, seeing as how I needed to drive all around the Bay Area, searching for shoes Hunter’s size and chasing after a wedding party that was on the move.

So there’s the week of the challenge. The week after the challenge, exercise had been abysmal. I’m not jumping on opportunities to exercise as I use to, using more and more excuses not to exercise. Not good. Just the other day, we returned from a luncheon at 3pm, but I procrastinated until 5pm to exercise when normally I would exercise as soon as I returned home. I’m tired of my workout DVDs. I’m also not planning my workout as well as I used to.

Since and because of Halloween, eating has also been abysmal. I need to stop sneaking chocolate whenever I can. It doesn’t help that I had been stressing and having difficulties finding my priorities. On the day of Teresa’s birthday party, I sat at the end of my bed with my head in my hands unable to think of what my next step should be. So, I decided to watch TV and waste time instead. Now that all of the deadline stuff has passed, I’m in this unfocused stage of wandering about, not knowing what to do next. There is still non-deadline, pressing stuff to deal with, but I’m having difficulties with figuring out a plan. My weight loss efforts seemed to also wander about with everything else, and I’m having a hard time trying to figure it’s place in my life. My buying a new scale has also fuelled the confusion. It weighs heavier than my old scale by quite a bit, so I don’t want to take it seriously.

The Joy of Meal Preparation

One of my favorite cooking shows is Barefoot Contessa, mainly because it offers me a glimpse of a fantasy lifestyle where one lives in a beautiful mansion, visit quant stores to pick up ingredients, and entertain (mostly well-mannered adults) in a cosy but elegant setting. There’s something tremendously peaceful about Ina Garten as she brings attention to the lush sights and sounds of preparing a meal. She makes preparing for company seem peaceful and enjoyable, unlike the hustle and anxiety of what is real for me. I know with my kids and income, I can never live Ina Garten’s life, but I would like to strive for it more.

Living to Feel Good enjoys her life. Her name (which is the same name as her blog) says it all. She writes about stuff that she enjoys. Not high intensity, crazy stuff that my cousins and friends (before they had kids) think is “enjoying life”. The simple stuff. The stuff I would normally miss, because I’m too much in my head. Recently she wrote about her excitement over preparing the Thanksgiving meal. I can't imagine ever being excited over preparing a meal, and it reminded me of the life I wished I had.

I would like to entertain more. I mean voluntarily prepare a meal for guests. Normally, I’m cornered to do it, Ly inviting his co-workers to our house and friends and family visiting out of the blue. I would actually like to NOT make something on the fly, while the kids demand, the husband leaves things on the kitchen counter, and the house still needs cleaning. I would like to make something delicious that my guests would wonder why they would ever consider going to a restaurant again. I would like to live a cosy but elegant life. And like all my dreams, I should probably start small.

Happy Trails

Several things I have read that helped me bring a new perspective of why I’ve been a researching maniac lately. First there was Diet Girl’s observation regarding diet books and how she buys them when she’s disillusioned and have lost faith in herself. That post came just at the right time; because I think these are the reasons why I’ve been on this researching craze, trying to find the right book to give me all the answers. I really can’t trust myself, which is why intuitive eating had failed me in the past, and at the same time this researching craze was borne out of a moment of despair, when dieting had become a drag. Then there was TrixieBelden’s comment on my last post. She was totally right. I wasn’t enjoying my weight loss journey. Time to remind myself that I do.

I enjoy the exercise that I “have to do” to lose weight. I’ve always been an outdoorsy/athletic type of girl but with responsibilities that come with adulthood, things that you enjoy become once in a while kind of things. Ever since I started this journey, exercise has become a permanent fixture in my life. Although I would occasionally feel guilty that it has taken so much of my time, I love how everyone I know will buy into it as a viable reason why it’s okay for the kids to be watched by someone else or why I don’t get as much stuff done during the day. Ly and I have had arguments of how my TV-watching, Internet-obsessing activities would take away from the house, but he never says, “You exercise too much!”

The second part of this journey, of course, involves the dieting. Hmmmm… Still trying to come to grips with that one. Just as I love to be physically active, I also love sweets. And not the low-fat/low-calorie sweets. Chocolate! And it has to be milk chocolate. Chocolate-covered nuts, chocolate chip cookies, and chocolate cake are what I enjoy the most. And there really is no substituting them (if there is I don’t know about it). I just have to figure out this moderation thing, which is going to take some more time.

What I do like about this dieting thing is that I feel it really is contributing to this feeing of well-being. I feel healthy. Even when I was playing sports in high school, I didn’t feel healthy, because I was shoveling junk in my mouth. Now, as a busy adult, I feel healthier than I ever did before. I also love how my family can benefit from all the healthy options in the house. Fruit has become the snack of choice. Sitting around, eating cherries is what we like to do. Before this journey, the produce section of the supermarket was unknown territory.

And the wonderful side effect of this journey is the weight loss! I love feeling lighter. Sports become easier (although I can no longer blame my slowness on my weight). And I love the way I look.

I have good news! According to Asian BMI standards, I am no longer overweight! I’ve been dreaming of this day for so long that when it happened I was in a state of denial. I told my cousin David about it and he said, “impossible”. And I thought that he was right. It must be some fluctuation of water and hormones. It must be that my scale is finally broken. So I checked my scale’s accuracy with two 5 lb weights, and it was not broken. So I checked my weight a couple of days after and it was still the same. I can now think of myself as a “healthy person” through and through.

I told Ly about the good news and said, “Can you believe I’ve been overweight (and obese) for 6 plus years?!” He turned to me and said, “I can.” We had a good laugh about it, because he was the one who have repeatedly stuck his neck out to tell me what no one else would, that I needed to lose weight. Each time ended with me in tears. It was July 18th last year when he finally confronted me and it didn’t end with tears. When I decided to stop crying and start getting busy. Now, close to a year later, I did it.

Paradigm is a Shifting

I don’t want to deprive myself and I don’t want to starve, but I also want to lose weight. How do I do this? I’ve decided to look into diet and weight loss books again. I’ve had a run of not so good experiences from these books, but I can’t say that I didn’t learn anything from them. I just have to learn to not follow them to a T. I mean, a lot of these books are written by experts, right? But they don’t know me personally, so there’s no way they can modify their program to tailor to my personality and lifestyle. That’s up to me.

These are books on my wish list:
“The Volumetrics Weight-Control Plan” by Barbara Rolls and Robert A. Barnett
“Breaking Free from Emotional Eating” by Geneen Roth
“The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person” by Judith S. Beck

I will probably buy them as a way to reward myself (if I ever earn any anymore). For the month of June I only earned $1 and that was from turning down a tempting offer. I didn’t have a good run of with-in calorie range eating for the whole month! It could be because of my lack of motivation in the beginning of the month or it could be because of my little paradigm shift. Nonetheless, I’ve been doing poorly.

Yesterday, I had a baby shower to go to, and the food was all so good. It was at an odd time (2pm) and I ate poorly beforehand (chocolate covered almonds and a banana), so I was definitely hungry before the party. I went over 2,000 calories, and I felt guilty. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten that chicken when I was already full. Maybe I shouldn’t have had 4 servings of tortilla chips. Maybe I should have eaten something less calorie dense before the party. This guilt is another thing I don’t want to live with, but what else will keep me on track?

On a good note, I found an older version of “Breaking Free from Emotional Eating” on BookMooch. That should arrive shortly. I’m feeling confident that intuitive eating will help me accomplish my goals. I did some more researching, and I found a study that demonstrated its superiority over traditional methods (AKA behavior modification). It was only one study and I was only able to get the abstract, but it demonstrated its effectiveness after 2 years. Very promising.

I also did a little researching on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) towards weight loss, and I found a lot of studies demonstrating its ineffectiveness. One study even demonstrated behavioral modification to be more effective in the short term and no difference between the two in the long term. However, there was one article that talked about a modified CBT approach that was effective. I was able to get the full article, and I’ll look into it later.

Buffet…on Good Friday?

You heard correctly! On the day that we Catholics are suppose to be fasting no less. Although what a Catholic means about fasting is hardly what other religions consider to be fasting. For Catholics, we are supposed to only have one full meal and two optional snacks. Never the less, I find it impossible to eat this little and not be cranky and I don't want my unhappiness to affect the happiness of those around me. But my husband always observes it. This year was no different from any other year. He comes home from work and all he’s eaten was popcorn, so he was cranky. He says, “Let’s go to Sweet Tomato.” Which is a salad bar, a buffet with very little meat options. Perfect for someone who can’t eat meat. I was totally not wanting to go, because although I don’t want to fast, I still wanted to aim for the low end of my calorie range as a weak observance of the day. I should have said no, but my initial reaction was to do whatever my husband wanted. When it suddenly dawned on me that I didn’t want to go, he was already getting the kids ready to go. I voiced my protest, which pissed him off. “Do you not want to go or not?” he demanded, irritated. And a little too loudly, in my opinion. I know if I said no, he would be pissed off for the rest of the night, so I said I did. Now I’m totally resenting him. I have not mastered the buffet yet; so, needless to say, I went over in calories yesterday, breaking my streak. I’m totally disappointed in myself. Wished I done things differently.

From Wino to Wine Taster

I gave up chocolate for Lent, and amazingly I haven't eaten any since Fat Tuesday. With Easter just around the corner, I went to buy chocolate at Trader Joe’s. And not just any chocolate. The high quality, dark chocolate kind. As I re-introduce chocolate back into my life, I would like to change my relationship with it. Usually, I would be to chocolate as winos are to alcohol. Any kind would do, as long as there is a lot of it. I have been known to eat chocolate that was a year old! And let me tell you, it’s not worth the calorie intake. Starting Sunday will be a new kind of chocolate lover! The type that appreciates the taste of good chocolate. I would like to become a wine taster type of chocolate eater! That is my goal. But I’m not fooling myself. I know it’s going to be tough. When I went to Trader Joe’s with the intention of buying just one bar, I had a crazy instinct to buy all kinds of chocolate. Then when I bought that extra large bar, I thought that it wouldn’t be enough. With any other food, it would be different, and that is proof that I am a chocoholic. I know an addict can never have just one, but I also know of an addict whom was able to do it. I want to be another one who can.

Ten Pounds

I’ve decided to try to weigh myself on a daily basis. I have heard a long time ago that it was more effective towards losing weight, but I never did it because I didn’t want to get obsessed by it. Then I thought that it takes a certain personality to get obsessed by things like that, and although I do have short spurts of obsession, I think I will be okay.

Although, I will be weighing myself on a daily basis, I will only report my weight on a weekly basis, so today’s the day I report. 137 lbs was how much I weighed. I was skeptical when I read those numbers, because according to them I had broken through 140 lbs, which I wasn’t able to do before when I started this blog.

Okay, let be bring you up to speed on my weight loss journey (if you are a new reader or sporadic, like myself). When I started this blog I was 150 lbs, then I lost 10 lbs, then school started and I gained 10 lbs. And here I am again losing 10 lbs, except this time I lost a bit more than 10 lbs. 17 lbs to be exact. I should be excited, but I’m skeptical. I tried on my jeans, the ones I bought when I lost the 10 lbs the first time. When I gained weight again, I wasn’t able to button it, but now that I lost again I can. Except it still a little tight, when it should be fitting perfectly. So I don’t know how to take this news. Should I be happy?

On other news… I’m getting really good at keeping within my calorie range. Today’s the 12th day in a row that I was able to do this! Yay, me!

Sports Watch

Yes! I did it! I recorded my calorie intake for a whole month! Today’s the first of the month, and as promised I will gift myself a prize for maintaining within my calorie range. For the month of March, I got myself a sports watch battery.

“Sports watch battery? What about the watch?” you may be asking me.

Let me explain…

Two years ago my husband received a sports watch from my sisters as a Christmas present. They bought it on sale from Sportsmart (a discount sports store), and no wonder. It didn’t work. Since it was bought on sale from a discount store, we couldn’t exchange it for one that did work. My husband and I concluded that the watch’s batteries were either dead or the watch had mechanical issues. There was a warranty, but we didn’t know if the reason it didn’t work was because of a dead battery, something that the warranty did not cover. If we had mailed it in, we would have lost money on shipping charges. I suggested that we buy a battery, but he didn’t like the idea of wasting money on a battery that might not work, if the problem was the watch itself. Additionally, my husband didn’t even like how the watch looked. He believed that it looked too feminine and preferred to not invest time or money on it. So the watch was given to me, but I couldn’t justify spending the $10 on a battery when my husband believed it was a bad idea. If I bought a battery and it didn’t work, I would get gruff about it for a long time (my husband’s a cheapskate). So there it stayed, useless in the top drawer of my dresser.

Then, last week, I finally decided to buy a battery for it. I decided to use the money I would earn through this reward system that I set up. I can do whatever I want with that money. If I decided to take that money and throw it out the window, it would be okay. So if my husband gives me any gruff, I can say that the money I spent on it was reward money and he wouldn’t be able to say anything after that.

Lucky for us all, it worked! and I get a new sports watch!

I totally adore it! Not only does it tell time, but it tells the date, has a stopwatch, has a daily alarm, has hourly chime, is water resistant up to 300 ft, and has night vision backlight. Nice. I tried it on for the first time today. I used it to time my jog and to remind me to take my meds before lunch and dinner. I also plan to use it to time my laps when I swim. I posted a picture of it up here. According to epinions.com, it could have cost somewhere between $40-80! So it was a bargain at $10.

Spring and Weight Loss

Spring is in the air, when I went biking with my sister. The hills were green and the fields were covered with yellow flowers. All kinds of people were out on the bike trails yesterday, along with some bugs that we took home with us on our clothes. My sister and I are thinking of making it a habit. It’ll probably have to wait though until she repairs her rear tire.

With the warm air and sunshine, I’m even more inclined to procrastinate on my Special Project. Although I have decided that it would be okay if my procrastinating resulted in some needed exercise.

I just weighed myself. 144.1 lbs. After two weeks of gaining, I ended up losing 4 lbs in one week. The only difference is that I’m recording my food intake. Also, 144.1 mean that I have achieved my first milestone. Normally this should be something to celebrate about, but half of me believe it’s a fluke. Additionally, I had already reached this milestone when I first started this blog. Reaching this milestone again just reminds me of how fickle weight loss is.

Chocolate

It's been a week with Spark People and I have gained a pound. I don't blame Spark People though. I'm taking it really slow. I'm not counting calories. Not yet, anyways. My last attempt is still fresh in my mind, and I have no urge in re-creating that torture. Additionally, today is Ash Wednesday. For those of you who don't observe it...It's the being of Lent. Growing up Catholic, there's an option to give up something for 40 days in addition to having no meat on Fridays. This year, I decided to give up chocolate. My addiction to it is quite sinful, and I've always had difficulty staying away from the 7 deadly sins. So in anticipation of my abstenance from chocolate, I've been eating a lot of it in the past week. You can say that my Fat Tuesday started last Tuesday and ended yesterday. But starting today, there'll be no more chocolate. Another challenge I've taken on this year is that I'm going to try to be non-chalant about it. So if someone offers me a chocolate cake, I'm not going to say "I gave it up for Lent", I'm going to just say "No thank you."

Ironically, I started watching "Chocolat" over the weekend. Ly has collected a ton of DVDs that we haven't gotten around to watching them, so I've started watching them as I did the laundry. I'm going through them alphabetically, and "Chocolat" was just the next DVD. So it's really a strange coincidence that I should be watching it right before Lent. Ironcially it's about this lady who opens up a chocolate shop in an uptight, God-fearing town, right before Lent, the season of abstanence. I haven't finished watching it, but I think it's trying to say, "Live a little". I don't care for the movie. It's quite stupid and simplistic and offers no solence for a chocolate addict like myself.

Spark People

I joined Spark People. I’ve been meaning to do so, and I finally did it! Yay, me!

I’m following their program. So for the next two weeks these are my goals:

1. 2 servings of vegetable and or fruit a day
2. 8 hours of sleep at night
3. Listen to a get-up-and-go song a day

So far, 8 hours of sleep has been the major challenge. It’s hard with so much that needs to be done, husband who’s on his laptop in bed, kids who wake up at night, and acid reflux. Right now there doesn’t seem to be anyway around these obstacles. Well, maybe the “husband who’s on his laptop in bed” can be addressed. I just didn’t have the heart to tell him to leave when we spend so little time together as it is. I figure that even when unconscious, at least we’re spending time together.

Need to Change my Habits

I have a serious sugar habit. It’s been extremely bad lately. The good news is that my weight hasn’t change despite my poor diet. The bad news is that my weight hasn't decreased either. These are things that I know can curb my urges.

1. Regular exercise

2. Healthy snacks

3. Plenty of water

I think I’ve been okay with exercise. I’ve been poor with healthy snacks. It takes a bit of preparation, and I’ve been un-motivated and lazy. Water. I can do better. Maybe I should keep track of my water intake to see how much I really am drinking.

I should eat more vegetables and count calories, also. I tried counting calories earlier in the year, but the task is so daunting. It’s not so much the keeping track of what I eat but the searching for how much calories foods are is such a pain. I’ll rather be doing something else.

Rollar Coaster on a Hill

I have started counting calories. January 1st was my first day.

Another year. Another weight loss resolution.

I’m not the only one. I just came from the gym (not exercising, because I forgot my athletic shoes), and it was packed.

This year is different from last year. Or even the year before that. I don’t have the same enthusiasm and drive as I’ve had during this time of the year as I normally have.

In another perspective. My situation is not as bad as it was the beginning of last year (although had just giving birth at the time). I read in the newspaper that change is like a staircase. There is no straight shot to the goal. Maybe it’s more like a roller coaster built on a hill. It goes up and down (maybe loops and turns also), but it the end it will reach the bottom of the hill. I know. I know. Such a roller coaster does not exist; therefore my analogy is pure stupidity. But, hey, it works for me.

Acid Reflux and My Unlce's House

My acid reflux is concerning me. I read in the Internet that it can lead to cancer! Yikes! So I started my vacation, vowing that I would avoid problematic foods (chocolate, peppermint, alcohol, caffeine, spicy, fatty, acidic), but I can’t seem to do it. You would think avoiding cancer would be motivation enough. Compounding matters is the fact that I’m at my uncle’s house right now. Granted my aunt is out of town and my culinary cousin is secure at his apartment near campus two hours away. Unfortunately, my aunt took the liberty of well stocking the pantry with sweet treats for our visit, including baked cookies and pies. In addition my uncle’s house is a very stressful place. The walls are thin and they have my room right behind their big screen TV, which is constantly on and constantly in surround sound. I can’t escape it and it’s driving me nuts, so I turn to food for comfort.

Plan Falling Through

As you can tell by the fact that I am not giving you my current weight and I am blogging on a Thursday instead of Tuesday, I am not doing what I said I would do. Urgh. Do you believe me if I told you I didn’t have time? Well, I didn’t. It’s been back-to-back school, internship, or family related activities. I talked to my husband about my recent stupidity (in terms of eating bad foods). I told him I was exhausted, tired, and had no time to shop and cook. He told me I should make time. After internship, I finally got my butt in gear and went super market shopping. I’m exhausted and want to go to bed right now, although it is only 7:30. Tomorrow I’m setting out to cook beef stew. I’m not looking forward to it. I just want to watch T.V. and eat junk food.

I've been feeling like a dieting failure lately. I need to make more attainable goals. I am going to make a contract with myself. If I can do what I had set out to do 5 out of 6 days, I will give myself workout pants. That should be easy enough.