Remember the canister of chips that my mom gave to my son? (The Shark Effect).
Well, I was up in that part of the pantry. You know, the forbidden zone where there’s chocolate, soda, crackers, and marshmallows. It’s hidden and out of the way, but I know it’s there like a spot on my glasses. It calls to me and taunts me. When I’m at my weakest, the pull is so strong, like a siren’s song, that I find myself crashing into the rocks of binge eating. As you may recall, I created a list of food forbidden to me (Did Not Eat Enough Today). I call it my Black List. As suggested by Hope4baby, I also created a Grey List, but I’ll tell you more about that latter. Anyways, all the items in the forbidden zone were on my Black List, including the leftover canister of chips. I decided to give what’s left of it to my son. It belonged to him anyways.
As I held the canister in my hand, I can feel the monster called Desire erupting inside of me. I looked away, afraid that the canister might explode causing chips to fly into my mouth.
A battle to the finish was at stake-
A miniature, devil version of myself said, “Don’t show him the chips! Hide it and eat it all for yourself later. He’ll never remember them. Better you eat them then him. Don’t you want to be a good mom and only give him healthy good food?”
“No!” said the angel version of myself, “A good mom would give him what is rightfully his! He’s underweight and probably needs the extra fat. YOU don’t”
I had to do it quickly. I gave the chips to my son, and busied myself with chores and not looking directly at him, enjoying himself…
…too much.
“Have some chips for your self!” said the devil. “Teach him the value of sharing.”
“No!” said the angel. “Be a good example!”
My son finished off the bowl. “All done!” he said then placed it in the sink, innocently
I won.
The monster crawled back to where ever it came from. For now...
It’s a small victory, but small victories win the war.
3 comments:
Wars are not won by one major battle that happens, but by the tiny victories that are achieved.
March onward, valiant soldier.
When I was a child, there was a rule about food: you can have "junk" but first, you must eat the "good stuff". Why couldn't you make the "junk" part of your overall food intake? Then it wouldn't be such a big deal. You wouldn't have it constantly calling your name from every corner of the universe. Your mind would stop being glued on food and the guilt trips would disappear. There are lots of other tricks to help you on your weight loss journey, tricks that too many people think can't work because they're too simple.
I do include junk in my intake. The problem is trying to get myself to eat junk in moderation.
My black list are foods that I know I have a tendency to overeat. There's plenty of junk that I still can eat that are not in the blacklist. Hence the greylist, junk I'm allowed to eat.
When I follow the, "eat the good stuff first" rule, my mind is on the junk coming that I'm not aware of my fullness level. In the end I overeat. It doesn't matter how full I am of the good stuff. I eat the bad stuff as if my stomach was empty.
When I was in high school, I gave up soda for Lent. I never turned back. I was hoping that I can carry concept with other foods I have trouble with. I realize now that it might be too challenging and maybe I should give up my blacklist food one by one or abandon the idea all together.
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