Rollar Coaster on a Hill

I have started counting calories. January 1st was my first day.

Another year. Another weight loss resolution.

I’m not the only one. I just came from the gym (not exercising, because I forgot my athletic shoes), and it was packed.

This year is different from last year. Or even the year before that. I don’t have the same enthusiasm and drive as I’ve had during this time of the year as I normally have.

In another perspective. My situation is not as bad as it was the beginning of last year (although had just giving birth at the time). I read in the newspaper that change is like a staircase. There is no straight shot to the goal. Maybe it’s more like a roller coaster built on a hill. It goes up and down (maybe loops and turns also), but it the end it will reach the bottom of the hill. I know. I know. Such a roller coaster does not exist; therefore my analogy is pure stupidity. But, hey, it works for me.

Tarot

I decided to do a Tarot reading for myself, since its New Years Eve and all. I think my reading talked about my weight loss efforts. I think this was what it said…

There is defeat around my aspirations,
Because I am tempted to give in to weakness
Recently I abandoned my efforts,
Which has lead to a disaster
It appears that I have not learned my lesson
Because of this I will not trust myself
I have a strong sense of failure
And others are too critical of me
I want to tell them that I am succeeding
I’m going to need help to keep motivated

I went to the doctors to check on my acid reflux and they weighed me. 151 lbs. I gained 10 pounds! I’m back to square one.

Acid Reflux and My Unlce's House

My acid reflux is concerning me. I read in the Internet that it can lead to cancer! Yikes! So I started my vacation, vowing that I would avoid problematic foods (chocolate, peppermint, alcohol, caffeine, spicy, fatty, acidic), but I can’t seem to do it. You would think avoiding cancer would be motivation enough. Compounding matters is the fact that I’m at my uncle’s house right now. Granted my aunt is out of town and my culinary cousin is secure at his apartment near campus two hours away. Unfortunately, my aunt took the liberty of well stocking the pantry with sweet treats for our visit, including baked cookies and pies. In addition my uncle’s house is a very stressful place. The walls are thin and they have my room right behind their big screen TV, which is constantly on and constantly in surround sound. I can’t escape it and it’s driving me nuts, so I turn to food for comfort.

I'm Baaaack!

Whew! This last quarter must have been the hardest quarter I've ever had! Fortunately, my blogging before school started helped me with my writing. Normally, I would fret over every word and spend most of the time looking at a black screen. Blogging helped me practice writing with abandonment. Unfortunately, at the end of the quarter, I fizzled out and couldn’t write another word, staring at a blank screen again. It took every ounce of energy I had to squeeze out the last word in my last assignment, but now I’m free. Still feel tied down somewhere…Oh that’s right! I still have the house and kids to take care of! Well, anyway, I’m at a state where I was before I went to school. Now I’m desperately trying to regain what I had and maybe move forward a little bit more. I didn’t hit the ground running. I turned in the paper on Friday and only re-started my exercise routine yesterday. I was going to do aerobics and weight training, but I decided (in mid-aerobics) that I would only do aerobics. Maybe start weight training Wednesday or next week.

This week I have vacation from internship. Since my in-laws are going on their cruise this week, Ly and I decided to also take a vacation. We’re going to Legoland. I’m so excited. We’ll be staying at my uncle’s house, which is 2 hours away from Legoland. I still plan to exercise when I’m there. Normally, my uncle’s house is a dessert food trap. My aunt is really into baking, and, dude, she’s good! Last time was crazy! My cousin, a student at the culinary academy, brought his schoolwork to my uncle’s, chocolate truffles! This time will be different. This time, we’ll be going in the middle of the week, and my culinary cousin lives far away enough from my uncle’s to not come visiting with his latest school work. Additionally, my aunt is up here because she has to attend a funeral, so I don’t have to brave through her yummy desserts.

I did terrible!

Ly went on a business trip this week, leaving me with the kids and homework. I had planned to stay at my parents’, but it didn’t work out. Teresa was needy all week, and I couldn’t get to the packing, so I was only able to stay at my parents’ on Wednesday. For Thursday, I stayed with my in-laws. It was a royal mess in terms of eating and dieting. I just couldn’t come to grips with my schedule. Planning ahead has been difficult since I returned to school. Having Ly gone had made it nearly impossible. Twice I weaseled out of working out, and I have brought my eating habits to a new low.

God. I hate telling the world how terrible I’m doing. I want so badly to report something good again.

Aerobics Class Again and Other News

I went to the Wednesday aerobics class again. This time around I was in a better mood, so I enjoyed it more. However there are some scheduling issues I need to work out. Because all my clients that live around my gym are elderly, they all eat dinner early. 4:30pm. I can only meet two of them in the afternoon. That’s not so bad. I can meet with one client eat lunch in the area then meet the other two. Then I can do paperwork until the class begins. It’ll just take some time to get use to the routine.

On other news, I finally got my act together and posted my current weight. 141 lbs, which was taken on Wednesday. So it looks like I’m maintaining.




I also think that I’m finally getting over my obsession with chocolate. For a while there I was eating chocolate everyday, and in most days more than one serving’s worth. Yesterday, I didn’t eat any chocolate, but I found myself bored with my food. I had no real craving, just something more interesting to eat.

Gym and Internship

For the first time since I was pregnant with Teresa, I went to an aerobics class. After interning for the past two months, it suddenly dawned on me. Three of my clients live near my gym. I arranged to visit those clients yesterday and went straight to the gym afterwards to make the 5:30 pm aerobics class. I was hoping that it would help me break the monotony of my workout, but it didn’t. Sure I was doing something different in a different environment. It was interesting that I was in a room of people doing the same aerobic moves in unison, where normally I’m by myself. I also liked how the music was familiar and in surround sound. I can get lost in that music. But my heart wasn’t into it. I found the moves predictable. Although naturally I’m uncoordinated and I usually find simple moves a challenge, I’ve been aerobicizing for four years now. Where in the past my focus was totally in the class so that I won’t make the wrong move, yesterday my focus was elsewhere and I found myself watching the clock.

I’m depressed. I was depressed yesterday and my focus was on my internship. I had a sense of déjà vu. I had gone to the gym during my first year internship. At the time I had difficulty adjusting and being the only intern. Going to the gym yesterday felt like when I went to gym two years ago after my first internship, heavy and distracted. Except this time the situation is worst. Back then I felt incompetent but my supervisor had confidence in me. Now I feel competent, but I don’t think everyone else shares this with me. I think that Kyle, one of my supervisors doesn’t like me. During group supervision yesterday, he noticed that my caseload was too small. The reason why was because Evelyn, my other supervisor, the one who is out in the field with me and giving me my cases, has been busy lately. She hadn’t had time to assign me any new cases or find enough opportunity to let me shadow her, so I’ve been taking advantage and doing a lot of personal time when I say I’m doing internship time. I know this, but I don’t call out any attention, because I don’t want to do busy work. I think Kyle notices this and I feel ashamed. During my first internship, going to aerobics class cheered me up and helped me remain grounded. This time it has also helped, but only a little. This year school in general is a lot more stressful.

Cutting Back On the Bad and the Good

I’ve been eating way too much chocolate lately. All this stress has brought me back to my old friend, but I have to be careful not to be so dependent on it. Chocolate is the only manner in which I consume caffeine. It’s a very poor source with tons of fat compared to coffee or tea, but I don’t like coffee or tea. I love chocolate. In order to get that boost of energy I need from the sugar and caffeine, I need a lot of chocolate. I must have consumed too much on Monday, because my heart was racing and I actually felt anxious and jittery. That can’t be good. Time to cut back.

Unfortunately, because of too much assignments and things to do, I have no choice but to also cut back on the weight loss efforts. I have dropped my exercise from 5 days a week to 3 days. I have also decided to abandon going to the grocery store and trying to make dinner. I’m letting Ly take care of everything. He’s going to be overwhelmed and I have felt guilty for it, but with everything going on I have made peace with my decision. And Ly seems understanding to my plight. As soon as this semester is over, I promise to resume my responsibilities.

Plan Falling Through

As you can tell by the fact that I am not giving you my current weight and I am blogging on a Thursday instead of Tuesday, I am not doing what I said I would do. Urgh. Do you believe me if I told you I didn’t have time? Well, I didn’t. It’s been back-to-back school, internship, or family related activities. I talked to my husband about my recent stupidity (in terms of eating bad foods). I told him I was exhausted, tired, and had no time to shop and cook. He told me I should make time. After internship, I finally got my butt in gear and went super market shopping. I’m exhausted and want to go to bed right now, although it is only 7:30. Tomorrow I’m setting out to cook beef stew. I’m not looking forward to it. I just want to watch T.V. and eat junk food.

I've been feeling like a dieting failure lately. I need to make more attainable goals. I am going to make a contract with myself. If I can do what I had set out to do 5 out of 6 days, I will give myself workout pants. That should be easy enough.

The Wagon Is Covered With Oil!

Boy! Have I fallen off the wagon! I’m not doing anything that I’m supposed to be doing. I’m not keeping track of my weight, my goals, my behaviour, and my food intake. I had wanted to continue cooking and blogging three times a week. That’s not happening. I’ve decided to aim for once a week cooking and twice a week blogging. I’m aiming to do something towards my weight lose every day.

Monday: revisit goals
Tuesday: blogging
Wednesday: weigh in
Thursday: go grocery shopping
Friday: cook dinner
Saturday: blogging
Sunday:

If I can keep this up for six weeks, I will gift myself.

The Biggest Loser Premier

Yesterday evening was the premier show of this year’s The Biggest Loser . I tuned in, but I was only half paying attention in the beginning because I also needed to get my stuff ready for tomorrow. Ly was watching it in my bedroom where I had left it running. I was downstairs when suddenly Ly calls out to me.

“What?” I say as I walk up the stairs. To my surprised he was standing at the top with Teresa, blocking my way.

“It’s true,” he says.

“What is?”

“That the most generous thing you can do for your family is to focus on your health.” He was quoting someone from the show, and it touched me. Almost brought a tear to my eye. No matter how much I complain about him to the whole world, no one is the most supportive of me. And I’m glad I have him at my side.

After everything was taken cared off, I tired to watch the rest of the show. And to be honest with you, I found it boring. I can’t seem to get attach to anyone, but then again it was the first show. Normally attachments take more time I think. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to invest in it. Sorry “The Biggest Loser”. I think the next time I tune it would be to see the finale.

Clothes Shopping Fun

I went clothes shopping. I haven’t done that since when I was pregnant with Teresa and I needed something to wear for a party. But I couldn’t prolong it any longer. As I’m learning about the organization I’m interning, I’m thinking about the possibility of working here after I graduate. If that were the case, I would need to impress. It’s hard to impress when some of the clothes I wear look too baggy on me, so I decided to bite the bullet and head out to the mall. I went to New York & Company (formally known as Learner’s New York). New York & Company must be my most favourite place to shop. They have styles I like in the size that I am (girth-wise and height-wise).

Short on time, I went directly to the sales lady and told her specifically what I was looking for (boot-cut slacks). She directed me to some shelves and asked me what my size was. I honestly didn’t know. I did knew that I’ve been wearing size 16 and 18 and that I have lost some weight but I was still able to wear these sizes with a belt, so I guessed I was a size 12 or 14. She looked at me, incredulously, and guessed I was more 8 or 10. I was flattered, but I also knew that people have mistaken my weight/size before. She handed me a size 12 and encouraged me to try a size 10. I tried it and was able to close the clasp of the size 10, but I felt the size 12 were more comfortable. I was still happy though, knowing that I was able to at least get into a size 10 and that size 14 was too big for me. I left the store quite happy with two new slacks and a pear of jeans. When I returned home I spent a lot of time posing in front of the mirror, admiring my ass. It’s nice to have clothes that fit. If I’m lucky these clothes will become loose on me also in no time.

Eating Bad, Gaining Weight, Doing Okay

I wasn’t going to post today, being so tired and all, but because of such overwhelming concern for me from my new Internet friends (thank you by the way), I figured I should give an update. In a nutshell, I’m doing better. I think I was going through what my industry calls “transitional anxiety”. I feel like I’m over it now. Earlier this week, my husband and I got into an argument, but it was a good one. The type where I feel that I benefited and grown because of it. We hadn’t had that type of an argument in a long time. Ever since Teresa was born our arguments have been out of control mostly because I have been out of control. Well, I feel like I’m slowly coming back to my senses.

The food department is another story, however. It’s that time of the month, and I’m over-indulging in sweets and snacks (I’m especially craving chocolate). I’m not even trying to temper myself. Today, I went to a “cookie party” after internship with no intention of holding back and I didn’t. I need to get back on the wagon (again).

Is this how the rest of my school year is going to be? Eat well until the end of the week then going hog wild? I wonder how I can break the pattern.

This week, unsurprisingly, I gained a pound.

Spiralling Down the Abyss of Binge Eating!

Someone help me!

I’m stressed, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived, and sapped of spirit and energy. When I return home after these past two days of internship orientation, I eat candy, chips, and crackers instead of preparing dinner. My house is in disarray. I’m not going to blame anyone. It’s my fault. I won’t get too down on myself, because I am not perfect. Now is the time to gather my strength and get back on the wagon. Strategize, strategize, strategize! Ly had bought tons of potato chips from Costco last week. Although he promised that he would take it to work, it is still here. Don’t get angry. Just calmly put the potato chips in his car so he will not forget. And if he leaves it in the car over the weekend? Throw it into the garbage? We’ll see.

My weakness has been this feeling of exhaustion, which is occurring much more frequently lately since I do not have the freedom to take a nap in the middle of the day. I would like to take a walk during lunchtime to re-energize, but I need to pump milk instead, so I’ll walk after the internship instead of not cooking dinner and watching T.V. while snacking.

Other weaknesses…

Oh, I have forgotten how dangerous the office environment is to dieting. Those bagels and donuts! What to do? What to do?

God. Please, please, give me the strength to get through this stressful time of my life without turning to food anymore!

On a positive note: I was able to exchange my son's bike for a smaller one (Thank you WalMart’s 90-day guarantee on their cheap products!), and we were able to take Hunter biking around Lake Margret (a man-made lake in the city park where my parents' live) during Labour Day weekend. Holiday fun!

Additionally: I lost 1.5 lbs this week, making the total lost this month 3.5 lbs.

The Walls Are Closing In

I’m feeling overwhelmed, and school has barely started. Yesterday, Ly and I got into a fight over the house. He’s not happy. Because I can’t keep up with maintaining it, he’s taken it upon himself to help out. Now he feels he has no free time. I, on the other hand, appear to have tons of it. I exercise 5 times a week. I’m constantly on the computer. I have papers, binders, and books out, strategizing over losing weight. He’s right; I have too much time for myself. A long time ago (July 18 to be exact), my husband had kept me awake late into the night to express his concern over my health. I was overwhelmed (when am I not?), so I was snacking and eating treats as if my last day was the next. He gave me permission to place weight loss as my top priority, over the house and everything, and I took his word for it. Unfortunately, my efforts have morphed into a different form of escaping. Ly calls it “distraction.” Food was my escape in the past, but since I had replaced it with something else, then of course I’m loosing weight. Now that pressure’s up from all sides, I’m resorting back to my old habits. I’m sneak-a-snacking, where I use whatever time I can obtain to eat while no one’s looking. Since, the pressure is extreme, my efforts to hide it is quite inadequate. My husband caught me eating candy before going out to eat for my grandfather’s birthday. He treated me like a child, telling me what I can and cannot do. I hate him for it. Something’s got to give, and I have decided it would be my weight loss efforts. I’m not going to abandon it, but I am going to limit it. I’m going to put away my weight loss books and any new efforts, and I’m going to have to trust myself. Limiting blogging is quite problematic though, because I have tried and can’t seem to do it properly. I am using it as a distraction from the pressures of my life. But, I wonder...if I let it go a bit will I resort back to my old self? Eating uncontrollably?

Numbers, Numbers!

First, I would like to thank Kimberly and Marshmallow for all their support and knowledge as I venture into the unknown world of calories and calorie counting.

Second, I made a mistake in my last post. I meant that my BMR was 2121-2421. Not BMI. heh heh. I’m going to edit that entry before some unsuspecting reader thinks I’m crazy huge.

Third, AARRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Recording sucks! I’ve recorded in the past, and hated it. I was hoping that recording calories would be easier and more efficient than what I recorded in the past, which was behaviour, FDA food group requirements, and portion size, but it’s not. It’s even harder! I have to play detective and figure out how many calories are in my food. Why is there no on-line calorie counter out there that has Filipino food?! I don’t even know what they’re called or what’s in them; how the hell should I know their calories? I talked about this with my husband before. My sister had joined Weight Watchers, but she had fallen out of it because she was discouraged of how difficult it was to calculate points for Filipino food. My husband said at the time, “If she really wanted to lose weight she would have taken the time to figure it out.” Now here I am in a similar situation, and I can rightfully say that it’s enough work to make me want to quit. It’s not like I have nothing else to do! I’m going to hold off on calorie counting for the moment and resume after I’ve settled into school and internship. I might even wait until winter break; it’s so much work! Until then…If there’s anyone out there that know of any resources that gives me the calories for Filipino and Vietnamese food please, please tell me. Ideally the resources would describe the food, because I have no idea what any of the rightful names are. I just call them “the pork dish”, “the pork and vegetable dish”, "sour fish", etc.

Thanks a bunch!

Update: Reading my past posts, I realized that I had a misunderstanding about BMR. I just want to clarify what that misunderstanding was before I mislead an unsuspecting dieter. BMR is Basil Metabolic Rate. It is the minimum calories required to maintain regular body functions. During this post (and another one), I had thought BMR was the daily caloric intake to maintain your weight. Sorry for the confusion.

Crash

When I checked my weight, I discovered that I gained a pound, so I was both disappointed and in investigative mode throughout the morning. What did I do? How can I improve? Etc. etc. On top of it all, I was queasy after being nauseous and throwing up last night. With being preoccupied, disappointed, and queasy, I only ate bread and crackers for breakfast. Then I set out to develop my plan of attack so that my downward trend would continue. I re-visited the past week and the only thing I can think of was that I was snacking too much. Since I was on my period and I had favoured salty snacks, the pound could possibly be water retention. But I figured I should probably get my butt into gear and figure out the world of numbers and calories. Currently I haven’t figured out my calorie intake for fat loss, nor have I ever in my life counted calories. I was hoping to get by without doing it, but I figure it’s the most effective way to lose weight. I did a lot of researching on the Internet and figured that with breastfeeding my BMR was 2121-2421, and my fat loss range was be 1253-2037. Yay breastfeeding for allowing me to keep my calorie intake up! I re-read all the information I knew before about weight loss and breastfeeding: aim for slow weight loss and that I needed extra calories to keep my energy up so that I can take care of the kids. As I read I thought, “I’ll never let myself do that!” Get rundown that is. After an incident with my first-born, I made sure I had a steady stream of calories coming in when I breastfed (although, lately I haven't been doing so well). Ironically, after exclaiming that I wouldn’t, I did. During lunchtime, I only ate 1 cup of chicken noodle soup. I wasn’t that hungry and I was still concerned about getting nauseous, and maybe a little part of me wanted to rectify the pound I gained. Wrong move. At the checkout, with two kids in tow, I experienced a crash of energy depletion. During breastfeeding this crash is far more sever then if I wasn’t. It comes fast and out of nowhere. Suddenly, too much was happening at one time. An elderly couple were kindly poking fun at my son. My son was begging for candy. There was a misunderstanding, so the cashier and the manager were demanding answers from me. My ability to focus and function was faltering, and my hands shook as I struggled for the emergency granola bar in the diaper bag. Afterwards, I started snacking like crazy on crackers I just bought to return my energy reserves, but it was already too late. I was rundown and irritable the whole time I drove home, gave my kids a snack, and put them to nap, causing me to be short and unfair with my son. I hate it like this. I vowed again that this would never happen. Maybe counting calories would be a good thing. To keep track so I wouldn’t over and under eat.

Update: Reading my past posts, I realized that I had a misunderstanding about BMR. I just want to clarify what that misunderstanding was before I mislead an unsuspecting dieter. BMR is Basil Metabolic Rate. It is the minimum calories required to maintain regular body functions. During this post (and another one), I had thought BMR was the daily caloric intake to maintain your weight. Sorry for the confusion.

Bring your body and your mind will follow.

One of my professors had said this on Monday. I said this to myself before my workout yesterday. It worked. I just have to get my body moving, get over the initial resistance, and then I start enjoying myself. Starting is the hardest part, especially since I’m feeling unmotivated lately. I’m tired of the same exercise DVD/videos, but money is scarce so I don’t want to buy more. My alternative forms of exercise are biking, jogging, and walking, but each has their drawbacks and obstacles. Biking. I don’t own a bike, so I only can bike when I can borrow from my sister, then I have to figure out who will take care of the kiddies. Walking is easiest to do. I use to do a lot of it, but I tend to slack off and go below my target heart rate range. In addition, it takes longer to burn calories to do this form of exercise, because it’s so low intensity. Jogging is the most effective and efficient, but my history of plantar fasciitis has made me wary of it, so I only do it on occasion. I’ve been thinking about rejoining Baby Bootcamp, an interval aerobics/weight training class done outside with a stroller. My friend just had a baby, and his wife called expressing her interest in it. I use to do Baby Bootcamp, but when Teresa turned 6 months old, she became inconsolable when the ladies looked at her, so I stopped. When I did, I discovered that I could do Baby Bootcamp by myself. Now I wonder if I should return. Teresa is braver now and exercising with others is always motivating. I just don’t know if I can come to grips with the cost of it…

Hmmm....Maybe I'll just continue to play mind games for motivation. Here are others I say to myself…

Exercise is great for stress management
Exercise will give me energy so I can do more chores and play with the kids
Exercise will make me happy
Exericse is the wonder drug
Strength training will make me strong so I can carry the kids longer
Strength training will improve my posture
Just do it
No excuses! (except when very sick or injured)

First Day of Instruction

All my classes are on Monday, so that means I spend the whole day Mondays on campus. Luckily, my sister-in-law lives close to campus, so that I can store my lunch and dinner in her refrigerator, saving me money and calories. Yesterday was my first day of instruction. I brought a fruit cup, raisins, and a pudding cup with me, but it wasn’t enough. By mid-day, I was craving crackers. I settled on a bag of pretzels that contained 6 servings. I had divided a serving for myself and ate it before my research class, but during class I snacked on 4 more servings. Next time I shall (a) bring my own carb-like snacks or (b) buy a bag that contains only one serving.

For my first day, I wore a pair of jeans that were so large I needed a belt to keep it from falling (side-effect of losing so much weight). I’ve worn it before to the store and my parents’ house but being on campus with fellow students straight from high school, I am painfully aware that the ballooning fabric over my pelvis is not fashionable. It’s time to get rid of these jeans.

My Goal Weight

Ah, numbers! How I hate thee! For those whom share my hatred, I must warn you that this post is heavy with them.

If you’ve been following my blog since the beginning you’ll noticed that my goal weight has changed several times. At first I aimed for 120 lbs, because I had read somewhere that 120 lbs was the upper threshold of the healthy weight range for my height. I had what my research professor called, JGBD (Just-Get-By Disorder). When I started blogging, I wanted to be honest with myself. I realized that the mind tricks I do to maintain my self-esteem and disillusionment was preventing me from losing weight. One of my disillusions was my goal weight. I decided that it made more sense that I aimed for the middle of my healthy range rather than at the very top, so that once I reached it, I can bounce around in my healthy range rather than be fearful that I will gain a pound and automatically be overweight. Being lazy and fearful of numbers, I looked to the Internet to find my new target weight. I found Joanne Larsen's site, which told me that my target weight should be 110. 110! Holy cow! It was scary, but I decided to bite the bullet and place it in my blog. A contract with the rest of the world. This is what I’m trying to achieve. The more I saw that number the more comfortable I felt with achieving it.

Then one day, I was perusing through the Internet, and I happened across a post that Marshmallow placed in her bog about the Asian BMI being smaller than the standard. This frightened me. I told my husband about this and that when I was less than 110 lbs I felt very unhealthy. I only achieved it because I was following a very low calorie diet. I doubt my ability to obtain and maintain it now when age has decreased my metabolism. My husband told me that I should just lose weight until I feel healthy and not worry about the numbers. I wanted to go with what my husband was saying, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t fool myself anymore, so I asked Marshmallow for more information. She led me to an article in Wikipedia that only provided me with the healthy BMI range for Asians, so I had to calculate my target weight myself. I took the number in the exact middle of the healthy range and calculated my target weight using Kiss Guide to Weight Loss. I came up with 115 lbs. The answer surprised me. It was more, not less, than my current target weight which Joanne Larsen specified using the standard healthy range. I looked at other places in the Net and in my book. Joanne Larsen was wrong.

Now, I’m a very happy camper. My goal is closer than I had thought it was. Recalling back, when I was 115 lbs., I felt my absolute healthiest. This goal, I like. Thank you Marshmallow for setting me straight.

Moral of the story: Beware of on-line calculators!